sendforbromina:

ftr to all of the people writing on that post “but my boyfriend isn’t like that AT ALL he does respect me!”

if you’re a man [who dates women], some of the criteria you’d use to determine who you’d want to date: is she attractive, is she smart, is she funny, do we get along well, do we share similar interests

if you’re a woman [who dates men]: does he seem nonviolent, does he treat me like i’m an equal, does he not seem to get off on degrading me/other women, will he do his share of the housework

women actually have to stop and consider questions like “how likely is it that this man is going to beat me up?” or “can i emotionally withstand his porn use?” and men don’t. the fact that you don’t think that’s problematic, and have to be GRATEFUL that your boyfriend is nice to you, shows how much we’ve internalized the idea that we exist to cater to men and their whims.

Well put!

I think also sometimes women can notice that a guy’s done some work to be less of an asshole and be glad he’s done that work, without necessarily being glad that they’re glad - without being glad that the world is such a shape that “less of an asshole” can be something to be pleased about, and which takes effort, or even about how their own expectations are calibrated.

What they do with that set of layered feelings is up to them though, and I didn’t see the original post, but using it to minimise what other women have to deal, or to derail or individualise conversations about patriarchy problems, isn’t very feminist. (Understandable I think as this post lays out, but not feminist!)

2 months ago  /  457 notes  /   /  Source: sendforbromina